This journey, a steep incline…and my legs are tired

Why must everything in our lives be such a struggle? A constant battle to rise above the water level so you can breathe a bit easier. I mean, it isn’t that we are trying to always get on top of anyone else, even though many people are. It is more that we are trying to stay afloat in such a chaotic world full of sharp angles that threaten our fragile being with every turn. I used to think that my dreams meant something. That I should follow the path of my heart’s desires to be happy and fulfilled in life. That was until I discovered that my dreams don’t really matter because money is all that really matters anymore. You must have it to live the life you want, but at what cost to your soul does it take in attaining all this money? How far must you lose yourself just to live week to week on a paycheck, never getting any further ahead? How many times must you suffocate your true identity to earn a paycheck, doing something you literally loathe? Making a “living” is a lie. I am not LIVING. I am existing. Existing in a world where my dreams and passions are snuffed out because I have rent to pay and my degree may not match my desired path. Existing to feed my body but never my soul. Constantly looking for new “opportunities” as the career sites call them and struggling to even be noticed no matter how dynamite my resume or cover letters are constructed. 500 other people with dynamite resumes are already in that employers face too, many of whom do not want to work in that particular field either. It is more about survival.

It’s funny, really. Watching people at my job battling to even come in the door in the morning. Watching as their hands shake a bit while sliding in their cards on the punch clock every morning but there is never hesitation when the bell tolls five. Shouldn’t there be more happiness in the workplace? Considering you spend more time with your employer than you do your family? Doesn’t anyone feel foolish putting such efforts into attaining something they really don’t want? I do. I work my ass off for a company who doesn’t care that my veins carry blood just like theirs do. They don’t care that by never giving an ounce of positive reinforcement they are further drowning me in a life I never wanted. I am losing myself at the hand of my employers and am further losing myself with every job application I send out in hopes of finding yet another mundane job that might not treat me as badly as this one. What I would give to be honest with future employers when they ask why it is that I have “hopped around” so much in my professional life. Do they really expect anything different these days when jobs are so scarce? You can lose your job by blinking but that is never talked about. What happens when you don’t get any call backs to jobs that you are perfectly experienced to do? Or your recruiter stops returning your calls and emails? What do you do? How do you live? Going back to retail is always a last resort for everyone, and that is due to the pay level that all of those jobs offer. They all know that some kid will gladly take the $8 per hour they are offering you, a seasoned professional who used to make at least $14 per hour. Many times you don’t even get the offer because they assume you won’t take the 50% decrease in pay. Usually that is accurate but times are desperate.

I feel like life just shouldn’t be so hard for so many who are working their asses off to get what they have. We continue to try so hard to fight against the hand constantly pushing our heads back under the muck, causing us to barely be able to breathe, all while too many others just get a free ride.

When does the madness end?

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