My Big Fat Windex Murder

Tonight I had a massacre in my apartment. It involved a spray bottle of Windex Multi-Surface Antibacterial and my unending determination. In the end, I have prevailed and no body is left standing, or flying, as it were! IMAG0344

See, my husband and I love bananas, however, we always end up buying way too many at a time and what ends up happening is they go bad before we can eat them. Usually I catch them in enough time to at least make some bread with them instead of just tossing them in the garbage, but not this time. Unfortunately, today we realized that they had surpassed the point of bread and had become the zone for fruit flies. Now, if you have ever had these fuckers in your house, you know the deal, but for those of you who haven’t, well, consider yourselves lucky! These flies are the most irritating bugs I can even think of, aside from a mosquito but at least those only seem to stay in small groups and you can usually kill them pretty quickly. That is not the case with fruit flies. These bugs are everywhere within minutes, it feels like, and you can never get them to go away. We tried bleaching the counters and down the drains just in case they had thought to set up shop somewhere near the bananas. We tried spraying Raid on them, which come to find out after a Google search, the little shits LIKE RAID! Can you believe that?! They also like soap! I mean, what is this madness?! fly-swatAfter trying all of the crazy things we could think of, I thought of something even crazier, which was inspired by one of my favorite movies. I am sure you are all familiar with My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but in case you aren’t, let me explain. In the movie, the guy who plays the lead gal’s father is obsessed with Windex. He believes that the stuff can do anything from removing skin rashes and acne to fixing stains on wooden floors and removing the cloudy dust on car headlights. This guy appears to be a loon, but everything he does with this bottle of Windex actually ends up working. So, naturally I thought, “could it actually be true?” and with a fresh bottle of Windex Multi-Surface Antibacterial Spray right under my kitchen sink, staring me in the face, so to speak, I figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a whirl. I was on a mission, a mission to kill any flying thing that dared come into my line of vision, and that is precisely what I did. I was like the Lone Ranger stalking my prey with my fingers itching over the trigger. mba0427lOne by one they went down, and before long I had a trail of bodies in my wake. So, if this ever happens to you and you’re thinking about buying a $10 can of Raid or looking on Google for endless ways to kill these things, think back to this post and opt for the easier (and cheaper) solution. Windex is tough, and in my capable hands, it became even tougher. Victory is mine! Mwahahahaha! keep-calm-and-kill-some-bugs-3


6 thoughts on “My Big Fat Windex Murder

  1. sassypanties says:

    I hate those little motherfuckers! I live in Washington State : “Keep Washington Green”. Yeah…well KISS MY ASS! The brilliant recycling minds of the planet decided that issuing a little brown container to each household, about the size of a breadbox, for our….(I hope you’re sitting down)….kitchen waste.

    The first damn day we chopped up a pineapple. The next damn day? Those LITTLE BASTARDS were EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!! Where in the hell do they come from and SO FAST AND PLENTIFUL?!?!

    You know what I use? A vacuum. Works like a champ!

    I’m glad you won. Sorry for the long, rage-filled comment.


    • Krystal says:

      I would love to know how they multiply so quickly, it’s like they can double within minutes and every time I killed one, two more would show up. Insane! Thanks for you comment, I am glad to know I’m not alone with these asshole bugs! Haha!


  2. graveyardsandgrasslands says:

    Oh no! I hate pests! I’ve been waging a war on pigeons for weeks now! They keep trying to breed on my balcony… I suppose problems never change! We might have touch screen tablets and 3D printers but bugs still cause us endless grief!


    • Krystal says:

      Haha! You’re so right about that. Pigeons are annoying too. I’ve always called them flying rats. Such lazy, filthy birds. Good luck with your balcony!! 🙂


Join the conversation

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s