Tonight I had a massacre in my apartment. It involved a spray bottle of Windex Multi-Surface Antibacterial and my unending determination. In the end, I have prevailed and no body is left standing, or flying, as it were!
See, my husband and I love bananas, however, we always end up buying way too many at a time and what ends up happening is they go bad before we can eat them. Usually I catch them in enough time to at least make some bread with them instead of just tossing them in the garbage, but not this time. Unfortunately, today we realized that they had surpassed the point of bread and had become the zone for fruit flies. Now, if you have ever had these fuckers in your house, you know the deal, but for those of you who haven’t, well, consider yourselves lucky! These flies are the most irritating bugs I can even think of, aside from a mosquito but at least those only seem to stay in small groups and you can usually kill them pretty quickly. That is not the case with fruit flies. These bugs are everywhere within minutes, it feels like, and you can never get them to go away. We tried bleaching the counters and down the drains just in case they had thought to set up shop somewhere near the bananas. We tried spraying Raid on them, which come to find out after a Google search, the little shits LIKE RAID! Can you believe that?! They also like soap! I mean, what is this madness?! After trying all of the crazy things we could think of, I thought of something even crazier, which was inspired by one of my favorite movies. I am sure you are all familiar with My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but in case you aren’t, let me explain. In the movie, the guy who plays the lead gal’s father is obsessed with Windex. He believes that the stuff can do anything from removing skin rashes and acne to fixing stains on wooden floors and removing the cloudy dust on car headlights. This guy appears to be a loon, but everything he does with this bottle of Windex actually ends up working. So, naturally I thought, “could it actually be true?” and with a fresh bottle of Windex Multi-Surface Antibacterial Spray right under my kitchen sink, staring me in the face, so to speak, I figured it couldn’t hurt to give it a whirl. I was on a mission, a mission to kill any flying thing that dared come into my line of vision, and that is precisely what I did. I was like the Lone Ranger stalking my prey with my fingers itching over the trigger. One by one they went down, and before long I had a trail of bodies in my wake. So, if this ever happens to you and you’re thinking about buying a $10 can of Raid or looking on Google for endless ways to kill these things, think back to this post and opt for the easier (and cheaper) solution. Windex is tough, and in my capable hands, it became even tougher. Victory is mine! Mwahahahaha!