If any of you have ever taken a public speaking course OR had to give a presentation of any kind in school or at work, then you know what it’s like. I am pretty sure that everyone has dealt with this sort of thing at some point or another but for me, now that I am 30 and back in college for the second time, I just didn’t expect to still be a bundle of nerves like I was back in high school. Crazily enough, I think my nerves are tenfold now and it makes me want to vomit all over like Stan does in South Park every time he tries to talk to Wendy. I mean, I am a writer…someone behind the scenes working magic with words. If I wanted to speak publicly while others watch I would’ve gone into acting rather than English Lit. Even my minor in photography puts me behind the camera. This is just not me at all.
Anyway, this is my final semester of my A.A. degree before I can transfer to University to start my Bachelor program and I have put off speech communications up until now. I know, what was I thinking doing that?! I should’ve gotten it over with two years ago, should’ve ripped off that band-aid and bitten that bullet…but NOOOOOOO! I had the brilliant (so I thought at the time) idea that I’d wait it out, get my other classes out of the way, and pray that some how by the time I was ready to take speech the school would’ve changed their requirements for my degree and I wouldn’t have to take it. HA! The joke is on me there because NO ONE gets out of a two year program unscathed! Had I gone to University originally, you know straight into a four year school instead of trying to start small at a state school and then transferring to Uni later, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. I even tried to transfer early but again, the joke was on me because apparently you need SAT scores to go to University as a Freshman or Sophomore. The only time you don’t need those scores is once you obtain the A.A. degree from another school first prior to transferring. Blah!
So, here I am, taking this dreaded course while my nerves are screaming in agony and I can barely think straight. The only (small, very small) miracle that has occurred for me since I began this journey back to college is that speech is now offered online. We use Google hangouts to meet with our set groups within the class and we record ourselves giving speeches. Granted it is much less daunting than the traditional classroom where you stand at a podium and try like hell not to look down too much or fidget like a toddler in timeout, but it is still freakin’ scary! This course has three “live” speeches via this method, THANKFULLY it’s only three, and tonight was my first one. I
stuttered spoke for just under three minutes and when I watched the playback, I literally looked and sounded like an idiot. It was completely HORRIFYING for me but I keep telling myself that it’s only about 6-10 minutes more of live speaking time before I can get my degree…but even with that mantra, I will forever be scarred by this experience, no matter how many people tell me that it’ll be “a great learning experience” or “you’ll do great!” Please, by all means, let’s trade places and then have that conversation. MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 😀
Until next time, I am going to eat some watermelon and watch Grey’s reruns. Hope you’re all having a lovely week and TGIF!