My last post talked about the different kinds of goodbyes that we deal with in life, those by choice and those by death, and this past week one by choice knocked at my door. I suppose this can be part 2 of that post. 😀 When I wrote it I was doing a lot of reflecting and hadn’t made any decisions yet, however, I did say goodbye to someone I’ve known for a long time and while I’m saddened by the loss of that relationship, I am also feeling relief. I mean, the burden of walking on the proverbial eggshells by truly being careful of anything I said so as not to upset her is gone, the weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Being bombarded with an onslaught of negative emotions all the time because she was in a bad place and rarely discussing anything else was also so unhealthy for me and my life outside of this relationship, I just hadn’t realized it before. My thoughts all along were that I was just being there for my friend, but when does being there for someone become too much? When is it a problem for yourself? This was that time. I could no longer be in a friendship that was essentially living in the past where my adolescent self was being remembered instead of my adult self being seen.
I think that we, as human beings, try so hard to maintain our relationships with others, both platonic and romantic, that sometimes we end up forgetting what we need. Our own personal needs are important and when you find yourself constantly putting yourself on hold to be there for someone else, especially to find out in the end that they never even appreciated or noticed the time you devoted to them, you begin to fade into the void. Your own sparkle begins to dull because you’re too busy giving it away. Well, that time is over. I have said goodbye both verbally and emotionally and I feel freer because of it. It’s like blowing the fuzzy seeds off of a dandelion and watching them float away on the breeze. This kind of letting go is cathartic and completely necessary. In fact, it’s the reason why I tattooed the lyric, “Let It Be” from one of my favorite Beatles songs on my wrist, because it is a constant reminder that even though we are in the drivers seat of life, sometimes the choice we must make is to just let things play out without intervening. With the cycle of the fall season upon us and as nature removes the old to prepare for winter so that it can regrow come spring, I am inspired to do the same. The leaves are falling and soon there will be snow (somewhere beyond the Florida border that is) and it is a perfect time to take it all in, give gratitude to the universe for that magic, and embrace the love around us as well as within us.
So, on that note, I give thanks to the friendship I once had. It was truly filled with a lot of great times and I will miss her. But most of all I am thankful for my wonderful family, husband, friends, this life I was given, and for finding the good in goodbye because not all endings have to be bad.